Reflection On Existentialism.

As an existentialist, I like to question what gives my life meaning. I will be doing this, until I expire. Thus… this leads me to long periods of isolation, which presage contemplation. Is what I believe, sound? Is it truly authentic to me?

Is this to abide by one’s essence? The adherence to one’s essence (what it means to be you, in totality). Essence reveals to one, their true purpose. Before existentialism, we had essentialism.

Friedrich Nietzche is my favorite philosopher/social critic. My reasoning behind this, has much to do with how much I appreciate the concept of free-will. That human, is responsible for determining their own actions in life. Why do we believe in what we believe in? Did we rightly choose it for ourselves? In all truth, everything matters… and nothing matters, all at the same time. Although, arguably many other philosophers also support this argument. Nietzche has a special place, in my admiration pile because he was ruthless in his criticism toward other philosophers, and philosophies which came before him. A blunt honesty, I appreciate.

To question, whether or not the decisions we make are indeed extensions of our deepest held values. Our virtue ethics, in-which we have integrated, and cultivated within, to become more of who we must.

In this world. Everything, is a matter of opinion regardless.

“The ultimate meaninglessness of life.”

My belief, ultimately is that there is no god who created this world with any particular purpose in mind. Rather, the Universe… in its totality, is indifferent. It is, beyond meaning in its cause and effect. Chaotic, to the human who must find meaning by assigning duality to the Universe… doing as it does. Good, or evil… for instance. What occurs, has nothing to do with karmic retribution. What occurs, does. Nietzsche paved the way for the absurdist, with their seeking answers in an answerless world. Essentially, nothing matters. As human beings, we require meaning. We will cry to a deity, or some perceived god in sheer desperation that they assign meaning to us. The freedom to choose, and to take responsibility for one’s life is a terrifying thought, for many. Rather than go through the arduous path, to decide it for ourselves—we run, for this takes considerable strength. The absurdist believes in no reason, and that there are no guarantees to abide by in this world. No karmic/cosmic justice exists, no fairness, no order, and no rules… these are artifices of meaning, as perceived by human.

Sartre argued that it was freedom, which lead to meaninglessness… a strange thing, which Nietzsche argued, led to ones self-liberation. From my stand-point, I believe that they are one in-the-same, as per Heraclitus’ concept of the ‘Unity Of Opposites’. I believe that a singular instance of something, can only be recognized through its opposition. That a singular instance, will always have two instances within. Yes, the act of comparing… the act of contrast, as how it exists to the ‘other’. Everything it is seemingly not, through essence, is. For instance, man and woman are defined by their differences. It is in their differences, they are equal in my eyes. Arguably, this world exists through the lens of separation and duality, where the pursuit of absolute accuracy limits one’s choice in the matter of truth. That is, as per human convention of perception. What is beyond the beyond, is wholeness.

This ultimate freedom, also links back into what was suggested earlier. The courage, and strength which is required by one who decides to pursue this path. In there being an absence of any kind of authority to seek answers, and guidance from… we are left to fend for ourselves. Vulnerable.

Forgive them, for they are human. Just as foolish, and fragile as I am.

One must accept the full weight of their freedom. No matter how painful, no matter how isolating it may seem… that is the true path to freedom. To have complete command and acceptance, over one’s autonomy. That one creates meaning, and meaning itself is not assigned to them by any other. For… In this world, outside of human being… there is no meaning. Thus, there is no Universal order.

There is no answer, until you choose. That is, to choose authentically… as per one’s values. That was always the choice. That was always the decision. Thus, there is no regret.

I am not bewitched by temporary, instantaneous pleasures. Rather, I exercise self-discipline as much as I possibly can. Not rightly, to control but rather to embrace the absurdity that this world entails. Nothing is guaranteed. I, however do not let my head rule my decision-making… rather, I attempt to let both my emotions and thought guide me to it. The heart must never be lost, in favor for the illusion of cerebral superiority—as if feeling in of itself, is the more weaker, and foolish sensation of the two. No. To lose one’s heart, one loses meaning… for one seeks accuracy, in a world where no such thing exists, in the first place.

By my personal admission. I am described as being intimidating, by others due to my unpredictability. I am blunt, forthright, and I don’t feel the need to play by the demands of social niceties unless my inner-values call for it. I care only, to think in a different way in pursuit of my own truth… away from prevailing opinions of the time. I care deeply, love deeply however (as aforementioned, do not let go of the heart), for that is what leads one to be authentic. If my conscience does not abide, I will not do it… it is simple as that.

Above all else, I choose my individuality. So that I may, open myself to all manner of opinion… just as well, so that I may forever transform myself anew and forever contradict myself in seeking self-mastery.

I question everything I believe in, in seeking liberation. There is no certainty, in this life. The quest for the unknown is elusive, and seductive… the security which certainty offers, is not realistic. It is an illusion at best.

True freedom has nothing to do with privilege, rather it has to do with psychological freedom. The ability to not depend on others, or material things. That all things are temporary, and life itself is in a constant flux of change. Transitory. Therefore, nothing is guaranteed in this world. If one wishes to know, if they are truly free… one must ask themselves if they are able to withstand a lack of human companionship. It is not attachment itself, which is the primary issue. Rather, it is the expenditure of energy onto that attachment, which gives evidence to one’s insecurity toward the absurdity of reality. That is, of course, not to say that one should withhold from feeling anything, or loving… rather, one ought to see that all relationships are not permanent. They are transitory. There is no such thing as forever.

The love which prevails strongly in society, nowadays is toxic love… in that, it has much to do with an excess of will-to-power. That is, it is the opposite to what was suggested earlier. One is not comfortable, with the truth that in life, all is transitory. Those who are ‘toxic’, chain themselves to others… the limitation of true freedom lays bare, for the person who is being chained to, and the person doing the chaining themselves. For, the predicate of toxic relationships is ultimately: control.

True love is the freedom of expression from both individuals. One of a mutual inspiration, for the other. It is not possession. The other is free to do what they will, and one must trust that they will honour you, in a manner in-which you honour them. They’ve the freedom to leave, at any time they please.

Therefore, if one is to love you… that is their decision. One needn’t prove to them, that they ought to. One needn’t beg them, or force them. That is not love, rather it is control. Love, is ultimately is a choice. Love is conditional, in its nature. Selfish, and egoic… however, necessary for human kind. Is it bad, or good? It transcends beyond that.

If one is to love me, that is their decision. If I am to love the other, that is my decision just as well. In this world, with no guarantees.. that is somewhat comforting.

The will to systematize reality, is a sign of dishonesty. That is, dishonesty to the self.

As an Academic, of course I know that… my twenty-six year old brain, has been fried. Yet, again. Who needs drugs?

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