“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
― Soren Kierkegaard
I am blessed to be at this point in my life, where I have delved into existentialism for the first time… perhaps, before then I was blessed with phenomenological methodological structures from my PhD. To understand consciousness, how it pertains to each unique Point-Of-View in-relation to human. How we all, have differing fields of consciousness, and different manners of perception which dictate our understanding. All is a matter of opinion. Human beings, are all the same… yet very different at the same time. The contradictions must exist with one another, much as the symbol of TAO demonstrates. It is within the duality which exists within a separate instance, that it is identified.
Also, dammit. I enjoy writing. Although some of you are enjoying my posts (which, I wonder why, If my future husband had a nut allergy, he would surely die)… this is truly for my own therapy. Existential Therapy. I recommend it for everyone!
Now, back to the topic at hand about philosophy and how this world exists by that grand illusion of separation. MAYA, as it is known in Sanskrit.
Many traditions have their own version of the Tao. As I’ve noticed, in my delving into the esoteric, I notice ‘The Temperance’:
Life can be only understood backwards, as Kierkegaard once said. What he means to say, is that we’ve our eidetic experiences to reflect upon… and the strange irony here, is that life can only be lived forwards. That is not to say, that the future happens upon us in an instance. The future is an illusion, as much as the past is. Rather, now with abstract of both perceivable pasts and futures is all we have.
Do it, or don’t do it. That is the essence of philosophy.
Meryl loves love. That is why Meryl writes about love, a lot. She is attempting to find out, what it means… not just to others, but to her herself. Why does she will to love deeply, and madly? Why does she long for the one who casts shadows much like her own? She knows it has much to do with herself, past the other. Love, is egoic and selfish. We love the other, for how we exist in relation to thou. She knows now, that her love all has to do with the traits she had unconsciously identified within her own field of being unto others. That is, it ought to lead to whoever it is, she is seeking one day (ah the romanticism in her will never die). The unconscious knows, past little her which she calls the self.
“Love is the expression of the one who loves, not of the one who is loved. Those who think they can love only the people they prefer do not love at all. Love discovers truths about individuals that others cannot see”
― Soren Kierkegaard
When we are in-trouble, or upset… and we’ve lost all meaning to our lives. Of course, we will be selfish. We will be self-absorbed. The solution is to navel-gaze, and to look within ourselves… and perhaps, we hope… that somehow we will find that missing part of ourselves. However, if we do this to the extent of absolute isolation, we are swallowed whole by our subconscious. I caution to those, like me who enjoy their solitude. Who can often times, cut themselves off from others in pursuit of these imagined issues within ourselves. Non! Do not do it. You will lose yourself forever. Look to the madmen who had gone off on their own, separating themselves from others. How could they identify themselves as human, without other humans? They cannot. Their very shape, and conception of their being is given existence through the presence of the ‘other’.
We humans need one another, or we will be lost forever in the labyrinth of our own minds. The issues in-which we sought for resolving within ourselves, will become us. Thus, we sink deeper and deeper into that despair.
Re-engage with the world, do not dis-engage with the world.
I had done this, and such a pursuit had nearly sent me insane. Little you, is nothing compared to the Mariana trench which is your subconscious. Separate from the labels. They do not define you. Although I myself am diagnosed with HFA (Asperger’s syndrome), I do not rightly believe that is all that I am. Rather, it identifies a set of traits, within the condition that I myself exhibit. It is part of me, absolutely… however, it does not constitute me, as a whole. The limitations of the label, is obvious… as are the constructivist ideals of language and symbiology. Again, all is a matter of opinion from consciousness to consciousness. There is no universal truth that HUMAN can understand. Surely, perhaps it exists? However, no human could ever grasp it. That is why human has taken it upon themselves to invent their own. Whether that be will, and force of government/societal structures and the like. BELIEVE IN THIS! THIS IS REALITY! THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH! OBEY! Human fears that it will never discover that philosopher’s stone—that golden boon—that holy grail. Whatever it is. Therefore, metaphysical and transcendental explanation enters into the arena of thought. We cannot explain such phenomena, therefore it answers a question which cannot be answered.
How is it that such a conundrum presents itself in this manner? The answer to an answerless question, is an answerless answer.
We are much more malleable than we often like to admit, or think. That is, in limitations to our shape. Much like the tree, from the acorn. The acorn is expected to turn into a tree. Its development… whether it thrives or not, is another condition to consider.
BACK TO LOVE.
Yes, we do not choose to love those who we love. Not to contradict myself, as I have done in my previous writings… I believe one can choose to love, however, this love is one that is enduring, and one which is seen in marriage and familial members who annoy you. As for the love, which Kierkegaard speaks of… it is far more idealistic, and romantic.
There is truth, however, that love discovers truths about individuals that others cannot see. That is, it alludes to the subconscious. It is never the conscious fragile ‘self’ which chooses to love, at first sight… rather, it is the subconscious.
“To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an eternal loss for which there is no reparation, either in time or in eternity.”
― Soren Kierkegaard
That is why, despite heart-break after heart-break. Struggle, after struggle. I do not deny love. I will always love, and I will always keep my heart open to love. I had tried to shut my heart off in my youth… I had tried to drown those feelings under an illusion of stoicism—seeing those emotions as weak. Yes, I cannot love the other. I do not need anyone else. I do not need love. What a lie I tell myself. I was fooling myself, into believing that love was weakness… when in reality, my running from love and refusing it IS WEAKNESS. As human, I love. Nevermind pop ballads about people saying “Do not love again.” Nevermind you. Love prevails. Love exists. In many forms.
This romanticist in me will never die.
And many people, are afraid of love… for to love truthfully is to be vulnerable. I have feared love, for a very… very… long time. Yet, paradoxically, I had desired love. And such a love exists, I believe. And he exists. And always, had I loved him.
In a world of billions, and billions. He’s out there. And when I happen upon him (or he happens upon me), we will both know.
Have I met him yet, as he is meant to be? Non. He exists however… or perhaps, one day he will exist?