Honor Your Emotions.

I must expand of what I had previously posted. That is, certainty.

Certainties exist only in the present.

Uncertainties exist in both the past, and the future… for they are both abstractions. Neither exist in this moment.

As for emotions…. If we do not consider ourselves, or refuse to ‘love’ ourselves… then there is no way we could ever master our emotions. We must pay careful attention to ourselves, not to forget ourselves.

Do not hide, or disapprove of yourself. Always remember that one must take care of themselves, firstly, to take care of others. Always remember to love yourself, and take care of yourself.

I like to ask myself why I feel the way I do, in any given moment. It’s very important for me, to understand. Emotions, contrary to what is perpetuated through emojis and the like… are complicated.

Human beings can feel many different emotions, simultaneously. Even those, which are in direct contradiction to one another. Whether that be happy, and sad… all at the same time.

Emotions exist in layers.

It is very easy, for us to fear our own emotions. Even those, which are negative… the stigma of ‘bad versus good’, which is presented to us through society, and of course… allegory alike will give evidence to this.

I don’t want to block my heart off from what the world has to offer. I miss feeling. Sweet and sour.

Although emotions may be important to human, it is important to note that emotions do not speak to the entire human experience… rather, they are another element, so-to-speak, which contributes to one’s experience. One sees their negative emotions as pathological, as if abnormal to the human experience… as if a disease to be cured. As an existentialist, I see all emotions as necessary. One may go into philosophical belief systems, such as stoicism to CONTROL their emotions… yes, not those positive, but those negative. As if, to see that feeling a certain way, is dysfunctional.

On the topic of negative emotions, such things can be very painful… such things are at the root of human anguish. I do not say this lightly, for I’ve had my darker experiences myself. Only now, at my twenty-six years I’ve realized that suffering is to be human.

We all run from negative emotions, whether that be through self-medication in the form of substances, anti-depressants, or distractions… addiction comes to mind. In our rejection, and fear of our emotions… they end up ruling our lives. The irony here is that, one is attempting to alleviate themselves of their emotions… when the metaphorical beast will only remain, to eat the innards of one’s psyche. Regardless of substances, regardless of distraction. There is no running.

Don’t suppress your emotions, they will destroy you. As much as you’d like to, your emotions will come out. Always, will you have emotions. The strange thing… is that your emotions, are much stronger than you (that perceived little ‘you’) are.

All of these ‘coping mechanisms’ have something in common. They dull sensitivity. In all truth, we are all sensitive.

In all truth, we are all afraid to be alive. Truly alive. Living is much more terrifying than death.

To live in passion, one lives through their emotions. I believe that emotion and passion go hand-in-hand. It is the fire, and light which burns within us. The fire, which we must learn to tend. The fire will either go out, leaving us in darkness… or it may burn so brightly, that is may consume us. Emotion is energy in motion. Movements out of ourselves, into the world. The way in-which we connect to the world. Everything we do, is of the world. We are not separate units. We are all connected, through each of us being connected in our separate ways. Our emotions speak to us, in how we find ourselves in relation to this world. That is what it is to be alive.

We must tune into our emotions, if we wish to manage and monitor them. We cannot run away from them, any longer. We must honour them. To be one with it. Emotion is the potentiality of energy, awaiting for its application to a certain task.

As an individual on anti-depressants, I do see the difference. I see how the medication narrows my scope of experience. In doing so, it leads me to be less vulnerable, in my trading off my sensitivity. My processing capacity has been cut down, exponentially. Things have been slowed down. The only thing now, that I still feel strongly is love. All of my other emotions have been dulled down. Even sadness. I feel listless, although complacent in this dulling down. Not feeling the will, or need to strive for anything as I once did.

Truth is, I’m a highly sensitive individual. Very much so. Things effect me, greatly. Although, my outer mask is in direct contradiction. Many find me intimidating. This is the shadow aspect of myself, one which is in direct opposition to the softness which is truly me. The true self, I was during my youth. I have hurt greatly, loved greatly… for me, loss is something, which is experienced to an extreme. The pain intense, to the extent that I had wanted to end my own life. That is why, I did not want to feel that pain anymore.

It is not my sensitivity’s fault. It is my denying myself of that sensitivity. To be ashamed of it. In a world where we are commanded to save face. In a world of efficiency… numbers… facts… what of emotion? We cannot deny its existence, regardless. How can I say that romance is such a stupid thing, if it elicits in me an emotion pure, and profound? One powerful, one moving.

I think it’s rather obvious why I make these posts. It’s a form of catharsis for me. A form of honoring these heavier emotions, deep within myself. To understand them better. Where they arise from, and so-forth.

There are two things we complain of, most of the time: Anxiety and depression. Both feel threatening. These two feelings, are in all truth a feeling of rising energy which has not yet found its proper application. Now, why is anxiety and depression narrowed out… above all other emotions in terms of those being negative?

To me, the feeling of despair is a mix of anxiety and depression. To be trapped in the abstractions of anywhere but here. The past, the future? We are stuck inside of our heads, attempting to figure a way out. Emotions are like that of magic, in that they are allow us to fit ourselves into any given situation. That connection.

I’ve plans of quitting my anti-depressants, after I’ve a handle on my life.

We can do better than cope, we can gather existential courage. I do not wish to, or want to deny myself the entirety of human experience. What we want, is matured, and understood emotion. One which is processed, considered and lived-through.

Don’t you know? Your anxiety proves that you are alive. We can kill ourselves in many ways. One way, being us living in a paralyzed fear… one of cold self-forgetfulness. Our disconnection with our emotions, is one way to kill ourselves. The more anxious you are, the more alive you are. Never fear your anxiety, welcome it. Anxiety is proof, that you are alive. As is depression. Depression tells us, that we are sensitive to loss. To deny yourself of this, you deny yourself… of yourself. No one requires you to suffer that much, nor to be suppressed. You are allowed to be completely alive, and to get to know who you truly are. You can be much more free than you are, right now. Do not suppress, or oppress yourself.

Rebellion shows that you are alive. Rebellion shows “I know more about myself, than you ever will.” We all must be able to do that. To take responsibility of our inner understanding of who we truly are, and who we are to become. Do not dim your light.

In my early life, I suppressed my emotion, only for it to overtake me. You are angry? Good. Let it motivate you.

Honour yourself, try to understand how you feel… there is no need to suppress yourself. Even with your walls up, those are mere illusions. Always will you be vulnerable. Either way.

I don’t want to oppress or suppress anything any longer!

I wish, to let it be.

My thanks is given to this video:

Immediate Certainties.

Immediate certainties, how seductive… yet limiting they are in all truth.

What of the mind? If all things perceived are an illusion, does that mean to say that all things of the mind are not real. That they are all to be taken as a lie?

If we are to have a disbelief of this world, does that mean to say that we ourselves do not believe that which is created from our minds?

To distrust this world, is to distrust one’s mind. Would this lead one to presume, on the matters of neurology that all of which occurs, is in-fact, figments and projections of the mind? With our present times, one could conclude, that yes… this is definitely a contributive aspect.

What leads one to question reality? It is of course, the pursuit of truth.

If one were to discount all of which happens in-front of them as mere fiction… then would that mean to say, that any thoughts which arise from the mind are all lies? Where is truth? Does it perhaps exist outside of matters of the mind? Then, I ask, what is outside of the mind? Is it the phenomena we experience in our immediate reality. Non. Again, what we experience all comes back to the mind.

Yet, getting back to philosophical deliberations past biological musings… one must question the dichotomy of one’s suspension of belief in the world, in-which they are perceiving. It is, in of itself a conundrum to believe that truth in of itself exists amidst a mind which presents falsity… Impossible, for the mind created this dichotomy in the first place. If it is born of the mind, it cannot be one or the other…

The falsity of immediate certainties and secure yes or no’s. A world florid in this representation of opposition. Choose this side, or else… you are either with them, or us. For human, there is no such thing as equality. It is in our inequality, we are equal. Thus, this elucidates the problem of this generation… this fight for equality is one that is pointless, in essence. The contradictory, and paradoxical nature of human could not possibly abide by such idealistic and lofty expectations. The animalistic origin of humans, and their basal functions rebel against such things, which are beyond us. Yet, we attempt to truss ourselves in divinity, and to beyond what we truly are.

Every profound spirit needs a mask. One cannot reveal too much of themselves, to everyone. That is where madness is, one could presume. For in madness, is absolute and total freedom from the self.

Every person is a prison, even you yourself. Are we to love other prisons? To cleave to the other, can be seen as a certain kind of madness. Love, in its complexity can be seen as madness. Although, it depends on which love, you refer to. The love in-which we believe is love, is one conditional. Love me or else! As the favored god commands of his disciples. However, one cannot cleave themselves to detachment. Even then, that is still an act of attachment. Such as foolish tidings of the purely romantique, and the blind toward the impermanence of love (what you assume is love, is not love, but lust). Language has been bastardized, as a result of this information age. Information is neutral, beyond good and evil. Contextual… it depends on whom gazes upon it. Whether or not the tacit knowledge is transmuted to something communicable, will determine its impact on culture.

The conservation of self is a life-long pursuit. One which can be reached, however, one which is never permanent. To be human, is to never be guaranteed permanence. To live, is to be consequence to change. Mostly undecided… mostly beyond one’s will.

We philosophers love our truths. We must not be so precious with them however, regardless of how we cling to these ethics, within. Such ethics, we assume are set in stone. Yes, to our values! All prevailing past our stubbornness in our irrelevance. It is malleable. We forget that our condition itself is predicated on deviation away from what we are to become. Although the form of human is set, much-like the acorn who is determined to one day grow into the tree… the variables of the state of that form, is relied upon other factors. I allude to life-experience, for this metaphor.

Do I spit a lot of nonsense? Yes, and no. It depends who is reading this… I am open to contradicting myself. I will admit something, however: human nature leads me to be dogmatic, sometimes. A state, which is beyond conscious comprehension at times… although, I will my best to aim for an expansion of self-awareness in-order to secure more agency of the self (whichever one I may be).

Even then, language itself… as fickle as it is, in its translation of meaning can be misinterpreted and misunderstood. The paradoxical nature of language, in it explaining all… yet, explaining nothing at all, is one I find most interesting. It is no wonder why, the unconscious mind transcends beyond such structuralist limitations.

I do not ascribe by spirituality any-longer, that is new-age indoctrinations… with its influence from main-stream orthodox religions, and corrupted mysticism. Materiality, in-essence is its primary motive… which, is quite contradictory. The idealisms toward all things good, being prevailing and being the origin of all creation (As if all things which are true are, good)… what of bad, then? With the new-age movement of ‘The Law Of Attraction‘ leading its disciplines to cling onto toxic positivity in-hopes of escaping, that which is inherently negative (one desires, or wills to escape the opposite). What of the ethics of human, who manipulates the other through pure faith? Pure hope… that the truth (good) will always prevail? Why it is that indecency is sold under the guise of decency? We haven’t evolved out of our snake oil salesmen. We never will. So long as human being desires, always, will there be those to feast on their vulnerability.

The assumption that the human soul, and/or spirit and its intrinsic knowing is already deeply entrenched in a being, and such a half-truth is parroted in the community of spirituality. Many a time, one may argue that it is the mind or the ego which blocks us from that transcendental knowing. “Ah, they are just afraid… that is why” When in all truth, everyone is afraid. What a generalization you have grasped, bravo! To be human, is to be afraid. To be aware of one’s self, in its fragility, is to live in fear and paranoia. Perhaps another argument, which appears more substantial and not as arbitrary as the former could be attributed to human experience, in its entirety. Human experience, being tethered to the mind of human… and thus, we extend to the conscious, and beyond that: the unconscious. What of the collective human experience (yes, that pack-mentality… community), as observed in factions of religious ideologies and henceforth? It cannot possibly speak to the individualistic experience of each man, or woman. Improvement of the group overall, does not speak to improvement of one’s own unique individuation. What their mode of truth is, cannot possibly be one, nor universal? To assume that the human being’s conscience can be controlled, is a common misconception. This is where rebellion is given life. Religion is Absurdissimum. When I speak of religion, I also speak of main-stream spirituality which permeates social-media. Toxic positivity, guised as a mere monopoly… a drug of sorts, to act as a hypothetical dressing to a festering wound which infects, and cuts deeper. The insignificant human’s grasp to something infinite, to justify one’s mortality. “You exist in the 5D, therefore you transcend this temporary existence.” Therefore, does that mean to say that this existence is not real, due to its impermanence? The claim of its existence is in exact opposition to absurdity, or contradiction. One refuses, through conditioning to teeter on that precipice/edge of uncertainty and certainty in favor for the extreme, of that latter. Ah, is this politics then?

In essence, one must do for themselves. The precursor to this, is the will of human… which has to do with the inherent nature of assuming power. That is the drive of human. In one assuming responsibility, one realizes that they are free… and they’ve much to do. With this freedom, however, introduces a crippling fear… that is, the illusion of our accessibility to the infinite. Human beings cannot possibly be limitless, yet this world in-of-itself, due to our small scope of perception, presumes that which outside of us IS infinite (or perceivable through sensorium). What with the “You can do anything you want.” Slogans conflating the natural seeds, of human narcissistic tendencies. The truth of the matter is that “Yes, you can do whatever you want. WITHIN LIMITATIONS.” What control have we? When nothing is predictable, guaranteed—or the like… When nothing, and everything at the same time is both known and unknown.

There are no immediate certainties. Creation of a higher power, or deity beyond ourselves is merely born of the human fear and reality of mortality. That is, beyond human, there is no forever. Therein lies the fear also, of assuming responsibility and direction for the self… thus, one’s alignment to a faction, or pack of sorts, in its animalistic nature is comforting, yet dull and listless.

My lust for this perceivable truth, is one of my cardinal sins. Curiosity is pleasurable.

What do you believe Meryl? :
“That existence, universe, and everything within… is utterly meaningless. It is beyond good, and evil… as well as the limitations of human. To be human is to be given to the temporal, impermanent conception of the ‘self’. There is no metaphysical. There is no beyond-the-beyond. inexplainable phenomena transcends beyond mere consciousness, and structuralism. That is, the deepest and darkest depths of the part we have not yet scaled—we have not yet traversed. The unconscious. Universal, and rooted in the psyche of all human. Human must not find absolute despair in the chaos of a world, most indifferent. There is no deity to cry to. No one gives a shit. There is freedom in that. Human must find their own purpose, otherwise, if they are to ascribe by one given to them, always will they feel lacking. Always will they feel empty. If you must question, there is a dissatisfaction. The betrayal of one’s true nature. Human is attempting to find immortality, through the promise of an enduring renewal of the self. Psychological renewal. Such a parallel is noticeable in allegory, and mythos spread throughout millennia. Human is most interested in human.”

That is my belief, not yours. There cannot possibly be any argument, when I believe you’ve an agency and will to your own beliefs. Take no masters. I do not, myself. Am I fence-sitting to avoid conflict? Non. Rather, I see no point in taking anyone’s opinions personally… for everything, in this world is a matter of opinion. Even what I write, is mere opinion. The core basis is my collection of virtues, and ethics built through time. Human needs moral compass, for preservation after-all. An aspect I have not yet questioned or explored, but will one day, when maturity and understanding calls for it.

The world is pointless, therefore it is funny. Much-like how someone farts randomly, at unexpected times. It is funny, yes? Farts will always be funny, I do not care what anyone thinks. The unexpected, and taboo nature of the fart has me dead. My sensibilities could be described as European to many, due to my bluntness. I had to evolve this over time. Non, I did not happen upon such a state in immediacy. I used to be a coward. Afraid of saying, and writing exactly what is on my mind. Many see me as terrifying due to my being ‘filterless’—those closest to me see me as authentic, and real. What matters is that I chose this for myself. For those I keep closest to me, are ones I can safely be my goofy-ass self around.

Am I a Nihilist? Fuck no. Fuck those guys.

Reflection On Existentialism.

As an existentialist, I like to question what gives my life meaning. I will be doing this, until I expire. Thus… this leads me to long periods of isolation, which presage contemplation. Is what I believe, sound? Is it truly authentic to me?

Is this to abide by one’s essence? The adherence to one’s essence (what it means to be you, in totality). Essence reveals to one, their true purpose. Before existentialism, we had essentialism.

Friedrich Nietzche is my favorite philosopher/social critic. My reasoning behind this, has much to do with how much I appreciate the concept of free-will. That human, is responsible for determining their own actions in life. Why do we believe in what we believe in? Did we rightly choose it for ourselves? In all truth, everything matters… and nothing matters, all at the same time. Although, arguably many other philosophers also support this argument. Nietzche has a special place, in my admiration pile because he was ruthless in his criticism toward other philosophers, and philosophies which came before him. A blunt honesty, I appreciate.

To question, whether or not the decisions we make are indeed extensions of our deepest held values. Our virtue ethics, in-which we have integrated, and cultivated within, to become more of who we must.

In this world. Everything, is a matter of opinion regardless.

“The ultimate meaninglessness of life.”

My belief, ultimately is that there is no god who created this world with any particular purpose in mind. Rather, the Universe… in its totality, is indifferent. It is, beyond meaning in its cause and effect. Chaotic, to the human who must find meaning by assigning duality to the Universe… doing as it does. Good, or evil… for instance. What occurs, has nothing to do with karmic retribution. What occurs, does. Nietzsche paved the way for the absurdist, with their seeking answers in an answerless world. Essentially, nothing matters. As human beings, we require meaning. We will cry to a deity, or some perceived god in sheer desperation that they assign meaning to us. The freedom to choose, and to take responsibility for one’s life is a terrifying thought, for many. Rather than go through the arduous path, to decide it for ourselves—we run, for this takes considerable strength. The absurdist believes in no reason, and that there are no guarantees to abide by in this world. No karmic/cosmic justice exists, no fairness, no order, and no rules… these are artifices of meaning, as perceived by human.

Sartre argued that it was freedom, which lead to meaninglessness… a strange thing, which Nietzsche argued, led to ones self-liberation. From my stand-point, I believe that they are one in-the-same, as per Heraclitus’ concept of the ‘Unity Of Opposites’. I believe that a singular instance of something, can only be recognized through its opposition. That a singular instance, will always have two instances within. Yes, the act of comparing… the act of contrast, as how it exists to the ‘other’. Everything it is seemingly not, through essence, is. For instance, man and woman are defined by their differences. It is in their differences, they are equal in my eyes. Arguably, this world exists through the lens of separation and duality, where the pursuit of absolute accuracy limits one’s choice in the matter of truth. That is, as per human convention of perception. What is beyond the beyond, is wholeness.

This ultimate freedom, also links back into what was suggested earlier. The courage, and strength which is required by one who decides to pursue this path. In there being an absence of any kind of authority to seek answers, and guidance from… we are left to fend for ourselves. Vulnerable.

Forgive them, for they are human. Just as foolish, and fragile as I am.

One must accept the full weight of their freedom. No matter how painful, no matter how isolating it may seem… that is the true path to freedom. To have complete command and acceptance, over one’s autonomy. That one creates meaning, and meaning itself is not assigned to them by any other. For… In this world, outside of human being… there is no meaning. Thus, there is no Universal order.

There is no answer, until you choose. That is, to choose authentically… as per one’s values. That was always the choice. That was always the decision. Thus, there is no regret.

I am not bewitched by temporary, instantaneous pleasures. Rather, I exercise self-discipline as much as I possibly can. Not rightly, to control but rather to embrace the absurdity that this world entails. Nothing is guaranteed. I, however do not let my head rule my decision-making… rather, I attempt to let both my emotions and thought guide me to it. The heart must never be lost, in favor for the illusion of cerebral superiority—as if feeling in of itself, is the more weaker, and foolish sensation of the two. No. To lose one’s heart, one loses meaning… for one seeks accuracy, in a world where no such thing exists, in the first place.

By my personal admission. I am described as being intimidating, by others due to my unpredictability. I am blunt, forthright, and I don’t feel the need to play by the demands of social niceties unless my inner-values call for it. I care only, to think in a different way in pursuit of my own truth… away from prevailing opinions of the time. I care deeply, love deeply however (as aforementioned, do not let go of the heart), for that is what leads one to be authentic. If my conscience does not abide, I will not do it… it is simple as that.

Above all else, I choose my individuality. So that I may, open myself to all manner of opinion… just as well, so that I may forever transform myself anew and forever contradict myself in seeking self-mastery.

I question everything I believe in, in seeking liberation. There is no certainty, in this life. The quest for the unknown is elusive, and seductive… the security which certainty offers, is not realistic. It is an illusion at best.

True freedom has nothing to do with privilege, rather it has to do with psychological freedom. The ability to not depend on others, or material things. That all things are temporary, and life itself is in a constant flux of change. Transitory. Therefore, nothing is guaranteed in this world. If one wishes to know, if they are truly free… one must ask themselves if they are able to withstand a lack of human companionship. It is not attachment itself, which is the primary issue. Rather, it is the expenditure of energy onto that attachment, which gives evidence to one’s insecurity toward the absurdity of reality. That is, of course, not to say that one should withhold from feeling anything, or loving… rather, one ought to see that all relationships are not permanent. They are transitory. There is no such thing as forever.

The love which prevails strongly in society, nowadays is toxic love… in that, it has much to do with an excess of will-to-power. That is, it is the opposite to what was suggested earlier. One is not comfortable, with the truth that in life, all is transitory. Those who are ‘toxic’, chain themselves to others… the limitation of true freedom lays bare, for the person who is being chained to, and the person doing the chaining themselves. For, the predicate of toxic relationships is ultimately: control.

True love is the freedom of expression from both individuals. One of a mutual inspiration, for the other. It is not possession. The other is free to do what they will, and one must trust that they will honour you, in a manner in-which you honour them. They’ve the freedom to leave, at any time they please.

Therefore, if one is to love you… that is their decision. One needn’t prove to them, that they ought to. One needn’t beg them, or force them. That is not love, rather it is control. Love, is ultimately is a choice. Love is conditional, in its nature. Selfish, and egoic… however, necessary for human kind. Is it bad, or good? It transcends beyond that.

If one is to love me, that is their decision. If I am to love the other, that is my decision just as well. In this world, with no guarantees.. that is somewhat comforting.

The will to systematize reality, is a sign of dishonesty. That is, dishonesty to the self.

As an Academic, of course I know that… my twenty-six year old brain, has been fried. Yet, again. Who needs drugs?