The Mystery Of Life Is Found In You

Still, at this point in-time I consider myself an existentialist. However, as per the nature of myself, I do not abide by any purist convention of existentialism. There are many things, for example of Nietzsche’s, that I can disagree with… many things, which Carl Jung argues… that is in direct contrast to many existentialist beliefs. I speak for the majority, in-which I align myself, at this current point in time. I live as a contradiction, not rightly on purpose… however, through the limitations of reality, and the duality which it presents, what other choice have I?

Many of we existentialists know that life is meaningless, thus, we must seek our own meaning in this world, of absurdity. None of this matters, and what a wonderful thing that is? I do not control anything outside of me. What freedom that is…

This surface level of suffering is grounded, fundamentally in existential issues.

Authenticity.

The existential crisis is very human. That is, the desire to find meaning in life… the crises of identify and our confronting the reality that we will one day, no longer exist… that we ourselves are ultimately alone. It is anxieties, which expand outside of ourselves. The fragile perceived self is shedding, what are we left with? How are we to go at it alone, to cleave ourselves away from the crowd? Would we lose ourselves in the sea of our own madness. Yes, that is another facet to consider. This world is much-like the symbol of the Tao. Absolute balance (wholeness) is sought after, although balance is no constant state.

The philosophical stance that the existentialist believes in, is free-will… however, to the limitations of human. Choices, and action. Freedom leads to responsibility, of course.

I am led to consciously define myself, in-relation to the world around me… and others. That is why I do this. The more I understand myself, the more I can understand this world, and the others in it. It is as simple as that.

BRANCHES OF EXISTENTIAL THERAPY:
Daseinanalysis (relation to the world).
Logotherapy.
American Existential-humanistic Approach (authentic self).
British School Of Existential Analysis.

It is possible, that I may ascribe to phenomenology… and this may be due to the influence of my applying it, for my PhD. Also, the fact that phenomenology itself… evolved from existentialism philosophy. The question of reality, the question of being and so-forth.

In exploring the various needs of the individual about the ontological conditions of being, Nietzsche asserted that all things are in a state of “ontological privation,” in which they long to become more than they are.

Nietzsche argued that all things, by man, are in a state of “Privation”, that is through the ontological realm. Which, in this context, ‘it’, being ‘man’ longs to become more than they are. Phenomenology took Nietzsche and Kierkegaard’s philosophy of human issues a step further, providing a rigor.


My theory, before of the conscious and unconscious being corollary to the first world and second world respectively, can there-upon be compared to the Existential therapist ‘Four Worlds’ system. And you know what links into this four world theory? Tarot.

Physical dimension: Pentacles. (Relation to physical reality)
Social dimension: Water. (Relation to others)
Psychological dimension: Swords. (Relation to thoughts)
Spiritual dimension: Wands. (Relation to the subconscious/metaphysical)

To function at a healthy capacity, one must balance precariously between these four worlds.

I-Thou Relationship:

I have alluded to this truth, many a-time. That we cannot possibly love another, in their totality. Instead, we can only be afforded an abstraction from-which we can only gather understanding, through our own lens of reality. As aforementioned, the one I love is loved due to his fitting the projection of my unconscious traits. I relate to him, through my conceptualization of HIM, rather than HIM in totality. Only HE can know himself in TOTALITY. More than anyone else.

Although, there are rare moments where a meeting… almost fated and beyond comprehension with this other… where we feel the discrete boundaries are shed. They are you, and you are they. A unity of being.

We must remember, however that such an object of affection is a free agent. Such an object of affection acts of its own will, with its own unconscious… with its own fears and desires. True love, and connection IS this “I and Thou” proposition in my eyes.

Please, let me experience you as a separate instance from everyone else. I will shed mine mask, if you were to shed yours. I wish to experience you as a truly independent subject. Regardless of your form. Show me who you truly are.

You must understand. The love I hold for you is deeper than mere eros, or romantic ideals. For you, I see your ugliness. For you, I see past idealizations. It is beyond love, what I feel for you.

I have transcended beyond my former longing and desire for romance. This love I had found in you, is much higher. Is it spiritual? No. I do not believe in the spiritual. Rather, I believe it is something beyond the self. Something of the unconscious. And always, had I loved that darkness deep within me. The one of which I always knew remained, yet never understood. It is in you, I see it realized. I see it in the flesh. One cannot be whole without that darkness. Great strength can be harnessed from it.

When we do find one another. What other choice have we, but to love one another?

We’ll come back to one another, when the time is right. It’ll take a long time… but that’s what we both have. Time. Right now, you ought to ask yourself the most important questions. I know you’re confused. I know you’re terrified. I’ve felt that too. Know that I know, and only you can find that answer. When you are ready, that is when we’ll begin again. Don’t you understand? I have always loved you. But right now, you must whittle yourself into being!

What is most fundamental to you? Who are you… what do you stand for? Then you will know what it is, that means most to you in this life. I won’t lie. It is a long process, but I see in you, that you can do it. Because once, I was much like you. Much time alone, was needed for me to find who I am within the deepest, and darkest depths of the totality of mine conscious/unconscious mind.

Sure, I’m not there. There is no such thing as there. No human is capable of reaching there, unless, they wish to have their mind swallowed whole by their unconscious.

Although, I will say… I do feel more adjusted… more permanent in this self which was created anew. No self ought to live forever. That is, for the one in pursuit of self-mastery of the self. Kubrick once did say that one forges a wonder for the world, in their maturity… for the world, more permanent, than the one from childhood.



Art Reflects Humanity.

Well, duh. Art is categorized in the Humanities for a reason. Art is very Human.

In my further exploration, and elucidations into the subconscious and its nebulous… yet mysterious powers, I find the correlation in all forms of art. Music, and the like. For instance:

I now realize, that this song ‘Meet Me In The Woods’, is about a man who is fighting with himself. That is, the dark place, he speaks of is his unconscious. And how he Fucked with the forces, that our eyes cannot see.

“I took a little journey to the unknown” = The unconscious/subconscious.

Love always gets thrown into the mix, as well as any form of intimacy. After-all, there is no better interaction/relationship between one another, than love to illuminate the darkness within ourselves. That is why, we are drawn to the relationships we are drawn to. Perhaps, to heal that rift within ourselves. I can attest to my history in relationships, being unfavorable and the exact opposite of idealistic. I do not regret any of them, however… for they’ve granted me of a helm onto who I am, as a person.

The man in the song, has actually returned from his Call To Adventure, forever changed, as he says that he “…can feel it in my bones.” Also, the numinous forces of the subconscious cannot possible be communicated, through mere language. Imagery, only. In his saying “There ain’t no language for the things I’ve seen.” The interesting thing about this figure, singing and professing to an obvious love of his… is that he wishes to reveal his darkness to her, and see hers as well. That is, to be vulnerable. “Show me yours and I’ll show you mine.”

The night is seen as dangerous, yet seductive and romantic… for instance. And the night alludes to the unconscious, the darker aspect of ourselves. Much-like the Animus/Anima who lurks in that aspect of ourselves. Yes, that is how love occurs… Love-At-First-Sight. I speak not of bodily love (lust), exclusively. I speak of a love more developed, and one more higher.

It is through great suffering and pain, I believe, only maturation can occur.

An Existential Perspective On Love.

“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.”
― Soren Kierkegaard

I am blessed to be at this point in my life, where I have delved into existentialism for the first time… perhaps, before then I was blessed with phenomenological methodological structures from my PhD. To understand consciousness, how it pertains to each unique Point-Of-View in-relation to human. How we all, have differing fields of consciousness, and different manners of perception which dictate our understanding. All is a matter of opinion. Human beings, are all the same… yet very different at the same time. The contradictions must exist with one another, much as the symbol of TAO demonstrates. It is within the duality which exists within a separate instance, that it is identified.

Also, dammit. I enjoy writing. Although some of you are enjoying my posts (which, I wonder why, If my future husband had a nut allergy, he would surely die)… this is truly for my own therapy. Existential Therapy. I recommend it for everyone!

Now, back to the topic at hand about philosophy and how this world exists by that grand illusion of separation. MAYA, as it is known in Sanskrit.

8 Important Taoist Visual Symbols

Many traditions have their own version of the Tao. As I’ve noticed, in my delving into the esoteric, I notice ‘The Temperance’:

Temperance Meaning - Major Arcana Tarot Card Meanings – Labyrinthos
An androgynous being. They are a unification of both man, and woman. Blending elements together, into one.

Life can be only understood backwards, as Kierkegaard once said. What he means to say, is that we’ve our eidetic experiences to reflect upon… and the strange irony here, is that life can only be lived forwards. That is not to say, that the future happens upon us in an instance. The future is an illusion, as much as the past is. Rather, now with abstract of both perceivable pasts and futures is all we have.

Do it, or don’t do it. That is the essence of philosophy.

Meryl loves love. That is why Meryl writes about love, a lot. She is attempting to find out, what it means… not just to others, but to her herself. Why does she will to love deeply, and madly? Why does she long for the one who casts shadows much like her own? She knows it has much to do with herself, past the other. Love, is egoic and selfish. We love the other, for how we exist in relation to thou. She knows now, that her love all has to do with the traits she had unconsciously identified within her own field of being unto others. That is, it ought to lead to whoever it is, she is seeking one day (ah the romanticism in her will never die). The unconscious knows, past little her which she calls the self.


“Love is the expression of the one who loves, not of the one who is loved. Those who think they can love only the people they prefer do not love at all. Love discovers truths about individuals that others cannot see”
― Soren Kierkegaard

When we are in-trouble, or upset… and we’ve lost all meaning to our lives. Of course, we will be selfish. We will be self-absorbed. The solution is to navel-gaze, and to look within ourselves… and perhaps, we hope… that somehow we will find that missing part of ourselves. However, if we do this to the extent of absolute isolation, we are swallowed whole by our subconscious. I caution to those, like me who enjoy their solitude. Who can often times, cut themselves off from others in pursuit of these imagined issues within ourselves. Non! Do not do it. You will lose yourself forever. Look to the madmen who had gone off on their own, separating themselves from others. How could they identify themselves as human, without other humans? They cannot. Their very shape, and conception of their being is given existence through the presence of the ‘other’.

We humans need one another, or we will be lost forever in the labyrinth of our own minds. The issues in-which we sought for resolving within ourselves, will become us. Thus, we sink deeper and deeper into that despair.


Re-engage with the world, do not dis-engage with the world.

I had done this, and such a pursuit had nearly sent me insane. Little you, is nothing compared to the Mariana trench which is your subconscious. Separate from the labels. They do not define you. Although I myself am diagnosed with HFA (Asperger’s syndrome), I do not rightly believe that is all that I am. Rather, it identifies a set of traits, within the condition that I myself exhibit. It is part of me, absolutely… however, it does not constitute me, as a whole. The limitations of the label, is obvious… as are the constructivist ideals of language and symbiology. Again, all is a matter of opinion from consciousness to consciousness. There is no universal truth that HUMAN can understand. Surely, perhaps it exists? However, no human could ever grasp it. That is why human has taken it upon themselves to invent their own. Whether that be will, and force of government/societal structures and the like. BELIEVE IN THIS! THIS IS REALITY! THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE TRUTH! OBEY! Human fears that it will never discover that philosopher’s stone—that golden boon—that holy grail. Whatever it is. Therefore, metaphysical and transcendental explanation enters into the arena of thought. We cannot explain such phenomena, therefore it answers a question which cannot be answered.

How is it that such a conundrum presents itself in this manner? The answer to an answerless question, is an answerless answer.

More thoughts…

We are much more malleable than we often like to admit, or think. That is, in limitations to our shape. Much like the tree, from the acorn. The acorn is expected to turn into a tree. Its development… whether it thrives or not, is another condition to consider.

BACK TO LOVE.
Yes, we do not choose to love those who we love. Not to contradict myself, as I have done in my previous writings… I believe one can choose to love, however, this love is one that is enduring, and one which is seen in marriage and familial members who annoy you. As for the love, which Kierkegaard speaks of… it is far more idealistic, and romantic.

There is truth, however, that love discovers truths about individuals that others cannot see. That is, it alludes to the subconscious. It is never the conscious fragile ‘self’ which chooses to love, at first sight… rather, it is the subconscious.

To cheat oneself out of love is the most terrible deception; it is an eternal loss for which there is no reparation, either in time or in eternity.”
― Soren Kierkegaard

That is why, despite heart-break after heart-break. Struggle, after struggle. I do not deny love. I will always love, and I will always keep my heart open to love. I had tried to shut my heart off in my youth… I had tried to drown those feelings under an illusion of stoicism—seeing those emotions as weak. Yes, I cannot love the other. I do not need anyone else. I do not need love. What a lie I tell myself. I was fooling myself, into believing that love was weakness… when in reality, my running from love and refusing it IS WEAKNESS. As human, I love. Nevermind pop ballads about people saying “Do not love again.” Nevermind you. Love prevails. Love exists. In many forms.

This romanticist in me will never die.

And many people, are afraid of love… for to love truthfully is to be vulnerable. I have feared love, for a very… very… long time. Yet, paradoxically, I had desired love. And such a love exists, I believe. And he exists. And always, had I loved him.

In a world of billions, and billions. He’s out there. And when I happen upon him (or he happens upon me), we will both know.

Have I met him yet, as he is meant to be? Non. He exists however… or perhaps, one day he will exist?

Mind Over Matter.

I’m trying to figure out, what is inside of this mind. If I am compelled to jump in, head-first to the darker recesses of it. I will lose myself. I will be given to insanity.

Thus, I do not take the endeavor lightly. Only little by little, do I submerge myself into its depths.

The mind will consume you, if you do not tread lightly. Little ‘you’ will be lost. Either you become trapped in the void, or you come back… victorious, finding that piece most seductive. The inner-light. Thus, what you ‘were’ is transformed anew.

Either you embrace the deepest, darkest depths of the self… or you await it. The tides will rise, regardless. We’ve not any choice in the matter. The concept of ‘self’, in all of its ‘fragility’, is temporary.

All of these prevailing theories, and mysteries having to do with the metaphysical works to explain the part of ourselves, we will never understand. The subconscious. That which cannot be explained, is reduced to mere mystery… and even then, that explains, nothing at all.

I cannot be truly alone, lest I willingly surrender my ‘self’ to the absurdity of my subconscious. My responsibilities, and duties which exist outside of this labrynth is what keeps me anchored, thus, it grants that fragile ‘self’ a purpose.

“White Room Torture” comes to mind. If there is no sensory output, no interaction with others… nothing. One has no choice, but to turn inwards. They’ve no other choice, but to drown in the sea of their subconscious. The mind eats itself.

Love goes much deeper, than pure physical impulse. Rather it is the urge to discover more of one’s ‘true self’. The hidden, and seductive hidden in the unconscious. That is why, when we are drawn to the other… we cannot intellectualize why that is so, for the powers at play, have much to do with the unconscious.

I do know, that my drive and pull to love has much to do with this. It is the ugliness, and darkness within myself I’ve yet to explore… I can see projected onto the other. This fragile little ‘self’, has no power over that projection. Thus, that strange familiarity of the other comes into play. That strange concept of ‘soul-mates’, is all linked to the unconscious mind’s recognition of what exists in its deepest recesses, in the other. “Yes, I feel as if you have always known me… Hence I have always loved you.”

That is why I am driven to love you, you reflect to me… the parts within myself, I want to accept. In loving you, I shall integrate that which, within myself, I reject.

I believe the second-world theory, is corollary to one’s unconscious. Whilst, the first-world in this parallel… refers to the conscious self.

First world = Consciousness. The fragile, and temporal state of the ‘self’ used to navigate this existence in the now.

Second world = The Unconscious.
One which is unlimited, uncharted, mysterious… beyond conscious conception. No human in reality has the ability to access all of it, unless they are willing to sacrifice that fragile self. Madness would ensue. One would become everything, and nothing at all. The self is sacrificed, dissolved among that sea of unlimited potential. To human, it is unlimited… for one cannot scale its very depths, in its entirety and keep their consciousness intact. For the unconscious goes beyond-the-beyond of that limitation, of the fragile self. What we identify, and we come to know as ourselves… living in this material existence. One that is victim to change. One that has no choice, ultimately to the inexplicable chaos and meaningless of this world. The unconscious, in comparison to the conscious can be seen in this manner. Chaotic, and meaningless. The fragile self tries its best to assign meaning to it. Whether that be through spiritual, or religious affiliations. Signs, symbols (semiotics). These constructivist ideals, to find order in something which does not require it to exist.

Why be jealous of one who loves another? It is as if you are being jealous of your own unconscious self loving another, who also has an unconscious of their own. That which you seek on the outside of yourself, is already within. How? In-order for one to identify that which you seek in the other, you must have a conception of what it is… therefore, you have had it all along. In loving you, I am being selfish… and egoic. For, I can only love that which I identify (unconsciously) within the constellation/microcosm of mine own world.

I love you, because you reflect back to me, me.

In essence, aren’t we all the same… in the end?

No, no. Part of me will always love him. Because, the unconscious prevails. That unlimited aspect, which had identified that potentiality within him. Who he is to become (more of himself, as a tree grows from an acorn… simply does). You are not absent from me. Rather, you are always with me, for that which I had loved in you, I myself possess. In my subconscious. Is this unconditional love? Yes, I suppose it is.

There is no need for obsession, or longing to possess you. For you never left. Even before, I had happened upon you, you existed… although, not yet in the flesh.

Therefore, I set you free. And always, will I love you.

Should we be, we will meet one another again. And things will be different.

What a gift, the conscious mind is.

I do not let my loving you pain me, rather I attempt to… as much as I can, learn much about myself in loving you. That is a very important thing to consider.

Existential Therapy is one of my favorites.

Existential therapy is based on a broad range of insights, values, and principles derived from phenomenological and existential philosophies.

Where all one’s unlimited potential lies… the unconscious. Life is all about actualization of bliss. That is, to become more of who we must. Also known by Nietzsche as ‘Self-Mastery’. For one to transform, one must explore their not yet discovered depths of their unconscious. That is, in search of the philosopher’s stone—also known as the ‘Ultimate Boon’—the unrealized potentialities hidden within. Thus, all answers you seek are within.

Call to adventure: In the form of an animal. One either answers that call, or stay a victim to be saved. There is also the guide/teacher and ferrymen who assists the adventurer (The Hermit/Heirophant).

The Threshold Guardian: Represents one shadow, the portion of one’s personality which has been rejected, and thus relegated to the surface layers of the unconscious. If one accepts this rejected aspect of themselves, one gains an inner strength.

Through this adventure, one’s previous self begins to disintegrate. Thereupon a more impressive self, is birthed in its place. Death occurs in a dark place, such as in a cave or the belly of a womb. The adventurer will face the light, once they are reborn… (Maternal symbol). Reborn with a new sense of purpose, and strength. The unrealized potential.

An expansion of consciousness and therewith of being. Whilst this is a highly significant moment in one’s life, it is not at all the end of the journey.

With this power, comes the possibility of outer influence to corrup that harnessed potential. Mimicry, and enslavement to the opinion of others can be a prison… however one knows they’ve reached that unique pathway to bliss, if they themselves stand alone, secure, without influence of any other. Of course, this must be maintained, in-order to keep this ‘light’ intact. Easily, it can be lost… and in it being lost, one is called to adventure again.

The perilous journey of creativity, will reveal who we truly are… unto ourselves.

Stop thinking about it. What do you feel? Don’t let your mind rule over the matters of your heart!

Do not get lost in that beautiful mind of yours.

Do not get lost in that beautiful mind of yours!

Please… just. Do. Not. Get. Lost.

Please… find yourself.